Darth Vader is evil. And now he’s stolen Christmas.
When I was a kid, we still celebrated Columbus Day, and I vaguely remember drawing pictures of the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria, and wondering what the little squiggly mark was above one of the letters.
These days Columbus Day is looked on rather differently.
Some Native Americans consider it a day of mourning, in which to reflect upon the great losses their cultures suffered as white people turned up, first just a few at a time. Other people still view it as a day to celebrate, despite the fact that Columbus ended up on the wrong continent and pretty much every sailor knew the world was round anyway.
It’s problematic, is what I’m saying.
So instead of having a big debate about how to treat the holiday, I’ll simply leave you with three videos.
First, David Stoddard’s “The First Thanksgiving,” told from the perspective of the bemused Native Americans, who have no idea where “all these people” are coming from, or why on earth they couldn’t understand corn.
Second, Explorers, a series of sketches about European explorers wandering around and discovering things and naming them. Really, really badly.
Third, Do You Have a Flag?, from Eddie Izzard’s hilarious standup comedy, describes how exactly you steal a country: Hint: It’s easier than you might think.
Watch puppies eat, sit on each other, play, and sleep, live, on the PuppyCam.
It may be the cutest time waster you’ve ever tried, and although it’s definitely not must-see TV, I can see myself turning to the PuppyCam for 5 minutes after reading something sad or tragic.
The other night I became weirdly fascinated by a series of YouTube tutorials by artist Michelle Phan that showed people how to use makeup to create cool effects or look like Lady GaGa, Snow White, Barbie, Sailor Moon (below) or a vampire. Then I watched Phan’s videos about using makeup to create exotic-looking effects, such as a sunset or the northern lights (left).
The thing is, I don’t even use makeup very often. I don’t have the patience for it, and although my skin isn’t that great, I always feel like it gets much, much worse if I use makeup for any length of time. Yes, I probably should wear war paint. I just don’t.
And I’m not going to, even after sitting through all of Phan’s work.
However! The tutorials are weirdly fascinating. Did you know, for example, that you should use primer before putting on eyeshadow? It helps hold the shadow in place and keeps it lasting longer. Did you know that using white eyeliner opens up your eyes and makes them look larger? Did you know that having thicker, bushier eyebrows makes you look younger, and thin eyebrows make you look older?
Then again, I didn’t even know there was such a thing as liquid eyeliner, let alone when to use liquid eyeliner as opposed to the normal stuff.
I’m not likely to go to a masquerade party or transform myself into a vampire or anime character any time soon, but Michelle Phan’s tutorials are lots of fun to watch and for someone as ignorant as I am about the artistry of makeup, they’re also very educational. Go ahead, take a look.
The writer of our brother blog, It’s Good to Be in N.D., volunteers at a Humane Society animal shelter, and as a result, he is exposed to nearly-toxic levels of cuteness every single week.
This week he’s posted many, many pictures of adorably fuzzy little kittens, because the humane society over there has been flooded with kitties. If the levels of cute in your bloodstream have not gone over federally-approved guidelines, you may wish to check out the tiny kitties, but if you have recently viewed puppies, babies or stuffed animals, such viewing may be hazardous to your health.
I will not be held responsible if you sprain your "Awwwww" muscles or develop acute hypercutosis.
If that isn’t too much for you, perhaps you can handle an additional 17 seconds of adorable kitten.
Have a great, cute day!
For many people, tomorrow is a big day. It is King Turkey Day, and if you’re not in the 10K or 5K competitions, you may be in the parade, or maybe you just like to watch 10 normally serious and prominent community members attempting to get a bird with a brain the size of a walnut to run in a straight line.
The turkey race is definitely my favorite part of King Turkey Day and I recommend it to anyone who happens to be in the area tomorrow. If you’re not, though, the Daily Globe will be broadcasting the race live online, provided all goes well and our connection holds up.
The race begins at 1:30 p.m. and the Globe will have three different camera people there.
There’s a good reason for this. One of the cameras is for the live feed, and that camera person will be doing their best to get every single minute of the race, including both turkeys and both race teams.
The other two cameras will each focus on just one of the birds, which will enable me to edit the footage together into a single split-screen video of the turkey race, just like I did last year.
I strongly recommend going to the actual race itself, but if you can’t, make sure to turn up at the Globe’s site at 1:30 p.m.
If you want to see the race again later, give me an hour or two afterward to edit the footage and check it out at www.dglobe.com.
If you feed a mogwai after midnight, it becomes a gremlin, but if you give a muppet coffee at any time, apparently it becomes a psychotic violent coffee-crazed lunatic.
Jim Henson‘s ads for coffee company Wilkins feature pre-muppets Wilkins and Wontkins and they feature a fairly repetitive pattern. Wilkins asks Wontkins if he likes Wilkins coffee, Wontkins replies in the negative and Wilkins does something violent, unpleasant and generally hilarious to Wontkins.
The commercials were only 7 to 10 seconds long, so they had to be fast and snappy, and because they were only puppets, they could get shot, beaten, blown up with a cannon, run over… apparently 1957-61 were not good years to be a muppet, unless you really liked instant coffee.
The commercials hold up very well today, if you don’t mind cartoon-style violence. Have a look!
The first of three videos about the Regatta is now up in the video section of the Daily Globe site.
The others will come up as soon as my laptop can process ‘em; I edited them before I came to the beach today. They were all filmed by my editor, Ryan McGaughey, who was a good sport and agreed to drag the camera everywhere he went yesterday while I liveblogged from the Globe tent. He did an awesome job and got video of tons of people doing fun things. In one of the videos you can see the couple in the photo dancing.
And remember, the audio clips are here.
Just because you can’t walk doesn’t mean you can’t have fun.