We received our new printer today, a shiny, black monstrosity that strongly resembles a doomsday machine of some sort. This impression was liberally reinforced by the bits of yellow and blue warning tape stuck to it all over the place, as well as the red-ringed "DO NOT" type signs warning us away from… well, as far as I could tell, anything.

• Do not plug the wrong plugs into the wall.
• Do not plug other wrong plugs into the wall.
• Do not insert hand into print tray while machine is operating.
• Do not slam scanner lid on your hand.
• Do not use product in the water.
• Do not drink the ink.
• Do not attempt to operate printer while standing on your head.
• Do not attempt to operate printer while standing on other people’s heads.
• Do not ballroom dance with printer.
• Do not feed printer potato chips.
• Do not feed printer to cat.
• Do not feed cat to printer.

Clearly this machine is dangerous.

(You may be surprised at which of these I didn’t make up.)