Facebook Fear Factor: Cake and Pancake Mixes

What the warning (incorrectly) says: When they get old cake mixes grow spores that can kill you, which is why it’s so important to throw out your expired cake mix — it is toxic.

What the warning leaves out: Cake mix does not develop spores over time, but cake mix that isn’t sealed (like lots of other things left unsealed) can get moldy if exposed to mold spores. People who are allergic to mold can have serious reactions in the presence of mold. But old cake mix is itself not toxic.

Very important thing: If you are allergic to mold, you can have a severe reaction to eating anything with mold in it. And if you do not seal your cake mix, your cake mix can get mold in it.

Therefore, if you’re allergic to mold, you should take precautions and make sure your cake mix doesn’t get mold in it. Usually it comes in a sealed plastic bag anyway. Pancake mix might be a bit trickier–maybe mold-sensitive people could put it in a sealable plastic or glass canister immediately, or simply buy small packages and make and eat it quickly.

More information: Snopes.com.

Lutefisk and Other Questionable Food-Like Substances

I wrote a story about a great local lutefisk supper in a mostly serious way, but I also wrote some extremely silly fake headlines for it that we obviously didn’t use.*

Here’s the real headline:

Lots of lutefisk: Church readies 375 pounds of Scandinavian delicacy

Here are the fakes, with at least one addition from others in the newsroom:

Lutefisk: Probably a crime against humanity

Lutefisk: Run while you still can.

Lutefisk: Banned by the Geneva Convention.

Lutefisk: Wait, you want me to eat what?

Lutefisk: Because trials of fish soaked in arsenic didn’t go so well.

Lutefisk: Scandinavians’ attempt to see what they can get other people to eat

Lutefisk: Making haggis sound yummy

Lutefisk: Try it, you won’t die (probably)

375 pounds of lutefisk: Scandinavian WMDs

Lutefisk: A true tale of Scandinavian passive-aggression

Lutefisk: Why?

Lutefisk: No, seriously, people eat it

Lutefisk: 1 out of 10 people prefer it to tree bark

Have any suggestions for more? Hit the comments!

I think everyone should get the chance to at least smell lutefisk, and, if they have the fortitude, try a taste. Lutefisk is meant to be served hot, and generally with melted butter. My family likes to mash it in with potatoes and stuff it into a piece of lefse to make a sort of potato-fish burrito.

Do not use silver plated silverware with lutefisk.

Do not overcook lutefisk.

Do not taunt lutefisk.

* I am half Norwegian, and my grandfather makes lutefisk for Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. So yes, I do respect lutefisk, but after extensive exposure, I feel entitled to make fun of it a bit. I have never eaten it, but believe it is a fine old tradition best practiced by people who are not me. My brother has eaten lutefisk and I am happy to say he has suffered no ill effects. Some day his tastebuds may grow back.

School Lunches: The Picky Eater’s Dilemma

A Eastside Elementary student holds a fresh cucumber slice dipped in ranch dressing, part of one of the nutritious lunches prepared for the students at the Clinton, Miss., school Sept. 12, 2012.  (AP Photo/Rogelio V. Solis)

In one school, whenever salad was offered, I never took it, and if one of the lunch ladies deposited it on my plate I’d just leave it there, and toss it in the trash at the end of the lunch period.

In the other school, whenever salad was offered, I’d load my plate with it and eat every single speck, often wishing I could go back for more.

What made the difference between avoiding salad like the plague and devouring it like the delicious, crunchy meal it is?

I admit I’m a ridiculously picky eater. While I am not afraid to try new things, even things as wild as sauerkraut pizza (which, horrifyingly, is actually delicious), I very often don’t like them, and the list of ingredients I generally (but never always) avoid stretches all the way from mayonnaise and sour cream to mushrooms and peanut butter.

I keep trying things I know I don’t like, just in case. Every once in a while I eat a mushroom because hey, you never know. When I was a kid I didn’t like ketchup. Tastes change.

And now that I’m an adult, there’s a certain fairly large class of foods that I don’t care for much but eat anyway, such as green beans. Green beans are good for me, so whenever given the opportunity, say at a buffet, I eat some.

Salad is the only veggie I really like, and by salad I mean actual salad, not cold noodles covered with sauce. (Cold noodles: Another thing I’m not a fan of.) You know, with lettuce leaves and lots of other stuff.

What made the difference in those two school lunch salads?

Simple. One school served only one type of salad dressing: French.

The other school offered a choice of French and ranch dressing.

I’ve always been particular about salad dressings, and for a long time the only one I liked was Italian. My tastes have expanded a great deal throughout the years, to Caesar and ranch and Greek and raspberry vinaigrette and poppyseed and all kinds of other ones, but to this day I can’t abide French dressing.

At one school I never, ever took salad. At the other, I took salad at every opportunity and if salad had been served every day instead of, say, green beans or cooked carrots, I’d have eaten vegetables every single day at school. Romaine and spinach, all filled with nutrients. Crunchy, tasty goodness.

Yes, I probably would’ve topped them with cheese, egg, turkey, croutons and sunflower seeds if given the opportunity, but I’d've taken the lettuce and ranch dressing on its own, too, with thanks, if that’s all there was.

Why all this about my odd eating habits, you might ask? Well, I was reading a story about school lunches, and how kids are often rejecting the veggies and fruits provided in the healthier school lunches. And I have to wonder: are they offering children any choices?

I remember that there were days I ate nothing but a hamburger bun and pickles at school, because they’d serve sloppy joes with green beans and canned peaches. Back then I couldn’t bring myself to eat green beans either, and I hated canned peaches. Had they offered a nice little salad and a plum I’d've eaten my vegetables that day, at least.

I really like the idea of offering kids more healthy food for their school lunches, but I really do hope there are still some options. A plum or a pear. An apple or an orange. Green beans or asparagus. Ranch or French.

It’s great to make kids try new things (often they won’t do it on their own) but over the long term, offering them choices allows them to have some agency and still gets them to the healthier-food goal.

Some people will not ever like French dressing or mushrooms no matter how many times they’re served or how many times they’re tried.

Giving children a choice between two low-fat salad dressings might mean the difference between a rejected little pile of leaves and a clean plate.

Pluots and Other Plants

Pluots, also known as “dinosaur eggs,” are absolutely fantastic and everyone should try them at least once. They look a little like a plum, but have a speckled, almost brown tone, and they are apricot-plum hybrids. Delicious ones, at that.

But! They’re not the only weirdie fruit out there, and some of the fruit you’re used to seeing may not be as normal as you think it is, either. Grapefruit, for example, were an accident. And lemons are hybrids of citron and orange. (via BoingBoing)

And more weirdness!

  • A person has been playing a single game of Civilization II for ten years. The people in his game world have suffered through dozens of nuclear wars and reside in a hellish wasteland. (Cue New Jersey jokes.)
  • What’s the deal with these zombie maples?
  • Conspiracy theories are fun! Until you become the subject of one. Then your life takes a turn for the weird, and you get mysterious phone calls at night from a guy who thinks you’re a serial killer based on some extremely fragile gematria-like cryptographical voodoo. Hint: Much less fun then. (via BoingBoing)
  • Arsenic was once so popular as a pesticide that people started getting sick from eating apples. Because they were coated in it. Apparently you still have to be careful in some places that used to be apple orchards…
  • Before there was Mickey Mouse, there was Oswald the Lucky Rabbit! Who is, as it happens, planning a return to the Disney pantheon
  • A good hairdresser can make your hair look fantastic. But a good hairdresser can also keep an eye out for any weird irregularities on your skin (especially the skin you can’t see) and help you detect cancer early.
  • And finally, here’s 25 iconic celebrities in swimsuits. Question: Why are all of them female, with the sole exception of the entire cast of Baywatch? Do we just not take photos of men in swimsuits, or have they just never been… iconic enough?

There are Donut Cops?

There are donut cops. This is a thing which actually exists. Had I realized this earlier on in my life, I may have chosen a different career track, although I’m not sure my blood pressure would’ve thanked me for it.

I have a wide assortment of other links that may or may not be of interest:

  • Logan Adams, of “It’s Good to Be in N.D.” has posted after a long hiatus. Hurray!
  • Dull and Boring are together at last, as sister communities. I’ve always thought it would be awkward to live in a town with a weird name, although being able to say “I’ll see you in Hell!” in a chipper, friendly voice would be kind of funny.
  • “The Hunger Games,” which is a great book, and its sequels feature four of the top five highlighted passages in books on Kindle, as well as eight of the top ten. The other two in the top ten are from Jane Austen. All ten of them were written, in other words, by women.
  • A mom-science-blogger calls TLC out on some vaccine-related silliness. TLC asked “why shouldn’t we vaccinate our children” as if doing so were a bad thing. Vaccinating is not a bad thing, there is no link between vaccines and autism and the paper that claimed there was was not only false, but deliberately fraudulent.
  • How do you feel about nounjectives, adjectives that become nouns? The good, the bad, the ugly and the like? Apparently some people have very strong negative feelings about them. I quite enjoy using the term “awesome” as a noun, personally.
  • Men can have sympathetic pregnancies. It’s called “couvade syndrome,” and it sounds pretty uncomfortable, although not as uncomfortable as actually having all your internal organs jammed up into your chest cavity to make room for a bonus human.

Dangerous and Deadly Food

While I don’t like tapioca pudding, prior to this week I never would have considered it to be a dangerous substance. Then again, people generally don’t think of molasses as a killer, either.

I was looking at the updates to Snopes.com (a website I thoroughly recommend for those of you wishing to cultivate a skeptical outlook on life), and found the curious tale of a tapioca time bomb — a tale which was verified as true.

I will never trust tapioca again.

It did put me in mind of a far more famous food disaster, the Boston Molasses Disaster, which occurred Jan. 15, 1919. I always liked the expression “slower than molasses in January,” but after reading about the Boston Molasses Disaster, which killed 21 people and injured another 150, I can’t really use it anymore.

Because molasses in January, silly as it sounds, can be swift, deadly, and murderous.

Essentially, a molasses tank collapsed, sending the sticky goo everywhere in an 8 to 15 foot wave. Streets were flooded. People drowned in molasses. The wave was so strong it lifted a train off its tracks and slammed buildings off their foundations.

It was awful. And molasses in January is not slow. It can be quite fast.

Bad Coffee Snobs

I worked at a coffee shop for a while, and I remember how frustrating it was when people would ask why their lattes had no foam. Conditioned by Starbucks, they believed lattes were supposed to have foam on top.

They’re not.

Cappuccinos have foam on top. What cappuccinos don’t have is flavoring–a cappuccino is a strictly-proportioned drink composed of one-third espresso, one-third steamed milk, and one-third milk foam. As such, it’s stronger than a latte, which is composed of espresso and steamed milk. You can put flavoring in a latte and it’ll still be a latte, because the proportions vary. Technically, if you put a shot of flavor into a cappuccino, it’s not a cappuccino anymore.

That said, if a customer ordered a grande cappuccino with a flavor shot of vanilla, I did not refuse to serve them. I did not roll my eyes. I did not insist they order correctly or weep for their ignorance.

A lot of this is because while I can appreciate good coffee, I am also still quite capable of drinking Folgers instant or a generic coffee that’s been sitting on the machine for several hours. (That ruins coffee. Then again, technically most coffee is already ruined by the time it gets to the consumer anyway.) I am just not a coffee snob. And if somebody wants a darn flavor shot in a cappuccino, and they are willing to pay for it, I don’t see why they shouldn’t get it.

Not everyone feels this way, however. There are at least a few places that will not serve iced espresso, because they feel it ruins the taste.

But at least we can all laugh at them. Here’s a video about pretentious coffee snobs. It has some profanity in it, so if you aren’t okay with that, please do not watch it.

(My own drink of choice was usually a cafe au lait with a flavor shot of cinnamon/coconut, for what it’s worth, but I changed up the flavor shot quite a bit.)

How to Make Apple Pie with Absolutely No Apples Whatsoever

When apples are in short supply and the demand for apple pie remains high, you  might be gratified to know that you can still bake an apple pie. Without any actual apples.

To be clear, no apples are involved at any point in making this apple pie. There’s not even a smidgeon of a sniff of a faint remnant of a bit of a nubbin of an apple. Apples aren’t even in the vicinity of this pie. In fact, they totally have an alibi.

What is this witchcraft, you might ask, that allows one to make apple pie with no apples?

It’s called “science.”

Check it out. Fool your friends. Bake some and be all “You know that apple pie you just ate? … it wasn’t… exactly apples.” Then watch their eyes bug out as they beg you to tell them they haven’t just eaten dirt or worse.

Kuchen and Wind Turbines

I visited my wonderful parents this weekend.

It’s a long drive back to Jackson, Minnesota, from Jamestown, North Dakota, but it is also a beautiful scenic drive. The trees are starting to turn the autumn colors we love, and the fields of golden wheat and corn are beautiful.

On the way home to Jamestown, I did figure out what I’d been missing about the landscape here: wind turbines. Yes, there’s a big wind farm somewhere nearby Jamestown, but driving along Interstate 90 through Nobles and Jackson counties there are wind turbines everywhere now, on both sides of the road and in large and small groups.

Apparently it’s the Buffalo Ridge and its effect on the weather that makes the area so great for wind energy production, or so I’ve gathered. But there are so many more wind turbines there than near Jamestown. They’re the skyscrapers of the prairie, and I miss them.

I did bring a kuchen home and though my dad seemed to want to avoid it (he’s not really a dessert guy), my mom seemed to appreciate it.

This one happened to be strawberry-rhubarb, and instead of little chunks of strawberries and rhubarb throughout, as I was expecting it to be, it had a thin layer of rhubarb-strawberry goo above the crust and below the eggy stuff. Is that typical?

It was wonderful.

That’s the view from my car.

It’s a little… flat. In Minnesota.

To be fair, if four glaciers ran you over, you would be flat too.

Skeptical Buffalo: A Dieting Book for Six-Year-Olds?

Skeptical Buffalo Says: Wut.

Skeptical Buffalo Sez: Wut.

A dieting book geared toward kids ages 6-12 is provoking controversy online. The author apparently wanted to help kids address their problems. Unfortunately, what he actually did was illustrate a story in which:

1. Getting made fun of on a regular basis prompts a child to make a positive lifestyle change. There are no consequences for the bullies, though that may certainly be argued to be an accurate depiction of real life.

2. Losing weight magically makes you popular and athletic.

To be fair,  the character in the story, Maggie, loses weight through eating better and exercising more, not by starving herself or purging. And obesity is a quickly-growing epidemic among youth.

But still, despite the good intentions and the real problems this book was written to address, it’s a little bit hinky to be telling six-year-olds that weight loss is the magical solution to unpopularity and sadness, or even a solution to bad body image. Weight loss doesn’t always give you the figure you want anyway, and dieters may lose pounds and ultimately, still be highly dissatisfied with their bodies.

I could have weighed six ounces as a 12-year-old and I still would have been tremendously unpopular. And there were plenty of thin and beautiful unpopular kids in my class.

And the image on the book’s cover is an exact inversion of what anorexic people see in the mirror: The chubby Maggie looks in a mirror and sees a thin version of herself.

In real life, a pathetically thin anorexic girl looks in the mirror and sees a chubby version of herself–I’ve seen that image used to illustrate anorexia and bulimia more than once in many places, because it describes so perfectly what people with those eating disorders see. When they look in the mirror, they do not see an emaciated person; they see a fat person. It’s every bit as much of a fantasy as Maggie’s thin-alternate-self in the mirror.

Needless to say, children shouldn’t diet unless there’s some sort of really good reason, and they should be supervised by adults if they must diet.

And there are many girls who, at age 6-12, are sort of… solid. When girls go through puberty their body weight redistributes itself significantly, and I know plenty of girls who were chubby before that happened and normal or even thin afterward.

Will kids reading this book get the impression that they need to slim down, long before their bodies change everything anyway? The author says these books are meant to be read by parents and children together, I believe, but is that really going to happen every time?

Is the book damaging, or a needed antidote to the obesity epidemic among young people?