Tag Archives: coffee

A Wicked Bad Poisonous Brew

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Coffee?

Coffee?

It’s probably for the best that I’m not married. If I were, my hypothetical husband might be a little worried about all the poison-related articles that I’ve been accruing. Then I probably wouldn’t be allowed to make the coffee anymore.

On the other hand, then I wouldn’t have to make the coffee anymore.

  • If I married an opossum it would be all right, because apparently it is impossible to poison an opossum. Of course, I would not marry an opossum. I do not even allow opossums to hang out in my garage.
  • If you suspect someone is attempting to poison you, here is a list of things to watch out for. Things that taste too bitter. Things that taste too sweet. Spouses. And exes.
  • Of course, not all poisons are deliberately administered. Sometimes they’re a result of a toxic spill.
  • And then there’s the poisoning that results from the use of lead bullets, which have conservationists and environmentalists worried about the condor again.
  • For other birds, it’s lead paint that causes problems.
  • Plus, we were stupid enough to use ethyl lead to stop the “knock” in our gasoline for years. Yes, that “Ethyl” is tetraethyl lead, and it caused factory workers to go insane and die due to exposure. Apparently levels of lead are still up…
  • And then there’s the dead themselves, who may be poisonous, even if they weren’t poisoned.

But if you want to get really exotic, you could poison someone with polonium. You’d really have to be an overachiever for that, though.

If I were you, I’d sit down and relax instead.

Have some coffee.

Bad Coffee Snobs

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I worked at a coffee shop for a while, and I remember how frustrating it was when people would ask why their lattes had no foam. Conditioned by Starbucks, they believed lattes were supposed to have foam on top.

They’re not.

Cappuccinos have foam on top. What cappuccinos don’t have is flavoring–a cappuccino is a strictly-proportioned drink composed of one-third espresso, one-third steamed milk, and one-third milk foam. As such, it’s stronger than a latte, which is composed of espresso and steamed milk. You can put flavoring in a latte and it’ll still be a latte, because the proportions vary. Technically, if you put a shot of flavor into a cappuccino, it’s not a cappuccino anymore.

That said, if a customer ordered a grande cappuccino with a flavor shot of vanilla, I did not refuse to serve them. I did not roll my eyes. I did not insist they order correctly or weep for their ignorance.

A lot of this is because while I can appreciate good coffee, I am also still quite capable of drinking Folgers instant or a generic coffee that’s been sitting on the machine for several hours. (That ruins coffee. Then again, technically most coffee is already ruined by the time it gets to the consumer anyway.) I am just not a coffee snob. And if somebody wants a darn flavor shot in a cappuccino, and they are willing to pay for it, I don’t see why they shouldn’t get it.

Not everyone feels this way, however. There are at least a few places that will not serve iced espresso, because they feel it ruins the taste.

But at least we can all laugh at them. Here’s a video about pretentious coffee snobs. It has some profanity in it, so if you aren’t okay with that, please do not watch it.

(My own drink of choice was usually a cafe au lait with a flavor shot of cinnamon/coconut, for what it’s worth, but I changed up the flavor shot quite a bit.)

5 Ways to Know You’re Minnesotan

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  1. You refer to 12 degrees as a "warm spell."
  2. When the thermometer hits 35 degrees, you open your car window and leave your coat at home.
  3. You start looking forward to April in October. If you’re lucky.
  4. You believe "blizzard" is a four-letter word.
  5. Your Halloween costume is usually a heavy coat, stocking cap, gloves and scarf. But you wear different gloves every year, so it counts.

Got any suggestions to add to this list?

10 Time Wasters: Bad Movies, Weird Photos, Weird Beach Boys Tunes and Even a LOLCat

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1. From Reuters comes this top 10 list that may be better termed a bottom 10 list: It’s a list of the 10 biggest movie flops of the past decade. And the biggest flop isn’t Battlefield Earth, surprisingly. I’m happy to report I haven’t seen any of these movies, and I don’t intend to, either.

2. A satirical article about African leaders meeting to discuss the reform of U2, which was pretty giggleworthy.

3. A man made a magnetic Starbucks coffeecup and stuck it to the top of his car, then tweeted about people’s reactions. It’s like a mini-sociology experiment.

4. Sometimes the sidewalks don’t go where you’d like them to. And sometimes people make their own darn streets where they think the streets should be. Here are the results: Urban pathways.

5. The Huffington Post did a neat slideshow of the world’s most expensive foods, starting with white truffles, which look kind of disgusting, honestly. They also detailed why the foods are so pricy.

6. This story from Hi-Fructose Magazine is kind of like Where’s Waldo: The Ghost Man paints himself and then sits in front of objects, camouflaging himself perfectly. Can you spot him?

7. Here’s a blog called "Smile Like You’re Dead Inside," which is devoted entirely to pictures of people smiling like they’re dead inside. Some people interpret that to mean zombies, and others interpret it to mean that horrible glazed smile some retail folks get near the end of the holiday shopping season when they are exhausted and on the point of tears and/or violently smashing merchandise against the wall.

8. This is an early example of a LOLCat. Very, very early.

9. And here we have for your perusal a gallery of hyper-magnified snowflakes, each more beautiful in its crystalline structure than the last, no matter how you count them.

10. And here are some very peculiar Beach Boys songs, including a cover of "The Times They Are a’Changin’." And "A Day in the Life of a Tree," which is about… a day in the life of a tree. Really.