12 Carols: Pretty Paper and Bring a Torch, Jeanette, Isabella

Carol #4, Pretty Paper, is a Willie Nelson tune from his 1979 Christmas album, and though I have heard it on the airwaves from time to time, people who don’t like country music might not have heard it before. It’s a sad-sounding tune about a guy who wraps his presents in pretty paper and blue ribbons, using pretty pencils to write "I love you." And normally I’m not a fan of country, but this song can grow on you pretty quick.

… kind of like fungus.

Here are the lyrics. Note that plenty of people have covered this song, from Roy Orbison to Randy Travis.

Immediately after I decided to write about "Pretty Paper," "Bring a Torch, Jeanette, Isabella" popped into my head. Maybe I just want a Christmas bonfire.

I’m a sucker for waltzes, and Carol #5, "Bring a Torch, Jeanette, Isabella", is a waltz, which, while originally dance music for French nobles, sort of evolved into a Christmas song. It was first published in 1553 and wasn’t translated into English until the 1700s. Wikipedia has the lyrics in English and French.

 

And if you’ve already forgotten the first few 12 Carols, here they are.

12 Carols: Still, Still, Still and Fum, Fum, Fum

Our carols today are both one word repeated three times, and both of them aren’t English, though both are often translated into English.

Carol #2, "Still, Still, Still" is a traditional Austrian Christmas carol that spends its chorus telling people to hush so the baby can sleep. You’d think a bunch of angels singing in the background would make you less inclined to sleep rather than more so, but hey, I didn’t write the song.

Mannheim Steamroller did a version of the tune, but I like this one from the Vienna Boys’ Choir. Here are the German and English lyrics, and here is the video:

And now for something completely different: Carol #3, a bouncy, fast Christmas tune written in a language people typically can’t even identify when they hear it. Don’t believe me? Give it a listen.

Spanish? No. French? No. Latin? No. Portuguese? No.

Fum, Fum, Fum is a traditional Christmas song originally written in Catalan, probably some time in the 16th or 17th century. "Fum, fum, fum" is supposed to sound like someone using a strumming instrument, such as a guitar. (Wikipedia has the Catalan and English and Spanish translations too.)

Here’s an English version which has some easier to understand lyrics:

If you missed the first installment of 12 Carols, check it out.

Your Geekdom Come

Here’s a clever Christmas breakfast idea for those of us who like math or just strange objects: the mathematically correct bagel, a bagel cut into two precisely interlocking pieces. If you have kids or math/engineering/science geeks in your house, this will be a huge hit, though it looks like you’ll need to practice it once or twice to get it right.

If you’re more old school and a gamer, try out this Nintendo controller soap, fashioned with a A, B, Select and Start button, just like the chunky, rectangular objects of our painfully unergonomic youth. Ah, the ache of nostalgia! But in this case, cleanliness is the best policy.

The Star Wars Christmas Special has become pretty infamous over the years, and they’re even going to screen it in Minneapolis Wednesday, but you might be better off buying these R2D2 lights, or even these Yoda lights.

Finally, for the girl geeks out there, today I offer you the Undressed Year in Review: bad celebrity fashions, including high waisted jeans and Renee Zellweger wearing a ridiculous transparent blouse. Also Cate Blanchett appears to have skinned somebody’s grandmother’s couch. (It’s about 7-8 pictures in.)

12 Carols, or, Christmas Tunes You May Not Have Heard: Noel Nouvelet

One of my friends told me he hated Christmas songs the other day, and I immediately corrected him: "No you don’t. You just hate the 20 or so popular ones they play to death on the radio and in shopping malls during the holidays." Grudgingly he agreed I was right, and I offered to see if I could track down some other great Christmas tunes that he’d probably never even heard before.

Then I thought about what a great blog idea that would make for December. So I’m going to try to track down 12 good Christmas songs that aren’t extremely common, and while some of you have probably heard a few of these before, I hope I’m going to be able to surprise each person at least once.

Just note that I tend to like 1. medieval carols, 2. carols in a minor key, and 3. waltzes. So a lot of these fall into one or more of those categories. Please feel free to suggest your own favorite Christmas song no one’s heard of in the comments!

Today’s carol is Noel Nouvelet, which the Lutherans among us may recognize as an Easter song called "Now the Green Blade Rises." But originally, it was a French Christmas carol, "one of the oldest European Christmas carols to survive to modern times." Here are the lyrics in English and French.

Review: A Christmas Carol

I cannot remember not knowing the story of "A Christmas Carol," so naturally when I heard that Jim Carrey had been selected to portray Scrooge in an animated (horrors!) version of the holiday classic, I pretty much decided I’d rather be boiled in my own pudding (and buried with a stake of holly through my heart) than see my beloved story desecrated by Jim Carrey’s… Jim Carrey-ness.

But I found myself in need of some good old-fashioned holiday cheer on Friday and my parents, the very people who brought me to the Guthrie’s versions of the tale for more than 20 years, kindly invited me to go to the movie with them.

I wasn’t disappointed, although my expectations were, as I have said, very modest. Jim Carrey portrayed Scrooge as well as the ghosts, but he imparted very different characters to them. Scrooge sounded like Scrooge, even after his spirit-inspired transformation, and did not sound like Ace Ventura.

The Ghost of Christmas Past was, as in Charles Dickens’ text, candle-like, and though Carrey seemed to give him a weird Scottish or Irish accent, he also gave him a sputtering, sibilant voice that really did sound like a candle attempting to speak. The Ghost of Christmas Present began, as in the text, as a kindly Santa-like figure and ended up a dying, graying, senile old man cackling as he (it?) turned to dust (which I don’t remember being in the text).

And the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come was as scary as all hell, literally, given the totally not-in-the-text part where he was chasing Scrooge along with a pair of demonic horses and attempting to toss Scrooge into a fiery grave.

As you may have already suspected, this is not a movie for very young children.

Marley, portrayed by Gary Oldman (who also voiced Bob Cratchit and Tiny Tim), was extremely scary.

I have never seen a production of this story in which Marley was not extremely scary. At the Guthrie, he inevitably came wailing out of a trapdoor in the floor that seemed to lead to hell or maybe somewhere worse, accompanied by smoke, the ghastly rattle of chains and the whimpering of the terrified Scrooge. In this movie, he came through the door, literally, bulging it out and dragging his ghostly chains along with him. And at one point, his jaw falls apart, which may be funny if you’re an adult but will give you a chill down your spine if you are a child or see the story through childhood’s lens (as I do).

The movie suffers a bit from the Uncanny Valley effect, which I will not attempt to describe here (click the link if you have no idea what I’m talking about), but it honestly suffers more because it was made to be viewed in 3-D. As such, it includes several lengthy scenes that weren’t in the book’s text at all or only comprised a few lines there: Scrooge attempting to escape the Spirit of Christmas Yet to Come, Scrooge flying all over the place doing heaven-knows-what and just generally, things poking out of the screen at you. I may have appreciated this more if I had seen the movie in 3-D. As it was, those parts of the film were a bit of a bore.

Several scenes were included which I had not seen before or else had seen them done differently: After Marley’s departure, Scrooge sees hundreds of other ghosts repenting of their heartlessness and flying around outside his window. It’s a chilling scene and one that’s difficult to do well on stage. The effect in the movie was marvelous. We also get to see one of the effects of Scrooge’s death that I had never seen before, and there is a moment of unexpected shared emotion between Scrooge and Bob Cratchit that was particularly appalling and very good.

Other scenes I found unexpectedly missing, only to find that they were not in the text. The Guthrie added a few scenes to its version of the tale: a scene in which Scrooge met the girl who later breaks their engagement. The scene illustrated how much Scrooge changed between childhood and adulthood, and I missed it, even if it wasn’t in the original text.

I also missed the Guthrie’s addition of some of Old Scrooge’s reactions to the breaking-up scene. Old Scrooge was a sort of stand in for the audience as he told the shadow of his younger self to go after the girl, railing against himself for his stupidity in letting her go. The anguished voice echoed the exact thoughts of the audience and I missed it, because you cannot shout "Go after her, you fool!" in a crowded theatre any more than you can shout "Fire!" albeit for rather different reasons.

The movie wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, and in fact I found it to be a very faithful retelling of the classic Dickens tale, with only a few silly departures and nothing that pushed the watcher out of the story. It was worth seeing.

And so, as Tiny Tim observed, "God bless Us! Every One!"

Happy Hallowthanksmas!

School hadn’t even started when we began to see signs of Halloween approaching: pumpkins, mostly, and other things that could be interpreted as generic fall decorations rather than specifically Halloween-themed objects.

But now it’s October, and we are already experiencing the signs of Hallowthanksmas. Stores are selling turkey-shaped Bundt pans (oh yes, there are turkey-shaped Bundt pans, possibly for cake-loving vegetarians who miss turkey) and improbable costumes in adjacent aisles.

I haven’t noticed Christmas decorations popping up yet, but that may be because I’m denial and I’m deliberately not seeing them. Generally by now, stores will have a few Christmas displays, tucked modestly in the back, for those responsible people who purchase everything months in advance and who make the rest of us want to claw their eyes out.

This is the season of the Great Blurry Holiday, the one in which for three months we give thanks to the Great Pumpkin for sending his son to us, or maybe we celebrate the birth of the thankful Jack’o'Lantern, or maybe we just put on costumes and eat turkey in mangers. It all kind of runs together.

So before we get any further into the madcap season of whirling holidays, let me be the first to wish you Happy Hallowthanksmas!

A Pirate Christmas, Arrrr!

We already opened Christmas presents from my parents, and I wanted to note that I got the coolest surprise ever from them this year.

A Bundt pan shaped like a pirate ship.

Really.

I’m going to take a picture of it when I get back from my grandparents’ house in Austin, Minn. (the SPAM Capital of the World!) and whenever I can, I’m going to bake a cake in it. Not sure what I’m going to do to frost it; I’m usually too lazy to do anything special but I could maybe figure something out for the little cannons on the deck.

Holiday Links: In the Mood for Christmas

Here’s a neat little photo essay about hiking to get into the Christmas mood from Far Side of Fifty, another AreaVoices blogger I like.

I get into the Christmas mood by listening to Christmas music, both of the good variety and of the horrible, awful, OMG-BAD variety.

I have a friend from college who sends me a Christmas card and a new CD of bad Christmas music every year, which always makes me giggle. (Note that Star Wars should never, ever have produced a Christmas special. EVER.) I treasure these CDs.

Some people get into the spirit of the season by watching A Christmas Story. Although the movie resonates best with baby boomers, seeing it constantly as we were growing up made it formative for my bunch too. I like it because it’s heartwarming without being gooey like "It’s a Wonderful Life." And it has no embarassing black-face scenes like "Holiday Inn."

I also love "White Christmas," which has absolutely more snappy tunes than you can shake a stick at and also Rosemary Clooney, whose voice is pitched low enough that I can sing along. Unfortunately for anyone in the vicinity, I usually do sing along.

Some people get into the holiday mood by making children weep for faux snowmen cupcakes. Although frankly, most kids would just eat the cupcake all the faster for the tragic dying snowman on top.

And finally, some people can be in the cheery spirit of Christmas and still be smart-alecky, as these delightfully caustic Christmas cards indicate. Scroll down a bit and be sure to click on the Wise Men and the Shepherds cards.