Creepy Christmas Carols

I love Christmas carols, but some of them are downright creepy if you think about the lyrics a bit.

I didn’t really notice it much until a colleague commented that “Baby It’s Cold Outside” may possibly be a story about sexual violence, rather than a harmless, coy flirtation between two people in love. Now I can’t hear the song without getting creeped out.

Then all of a sudden many Christmas songs seemed suspect. A friend commented on “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town,” whose lyrics are ominous at best: He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake.

That’s enough to give a kid nightmares, I’d say. Heck, that’s enough to give an adult nightmares. I’m gonna start keeping mace under my bed just in case.

And then there’s “Winter Wonderland,” in which a couple performs a mock marriage ceremony officiated by a snowman and later they “dream by the fire” about the plans they made. Yes, that’s what the song is really about. Which isn’t creepy, but it’s a little strange.

“Santa Baby” is a song dedicated to the me-first selfish mentality, and seems to be about a woman with a sugar daddy who she hopes will marry her. Weird at best, and creepily anti-feminist at worst.

I don’t know. I’m re-evaluating some of these Christmas tunes this year…

The Long Dark Christmas Carol of the Soul

My friends who work in retail are already beginning to get a little… funny… about having to listen to the same twenty or so Christmas carols over and over again at work.

I’m not sure this constitutes torture under the Geneva Convention, but it is certainly annoying. My workplace doesn’t play Christmas tunes over any sort of loudspeaker, and if it did, I would probably want to take an axe to said loudspeaker too.

I always maintain that the problem isn’t Christmas songs in and of themselves, so much as the painful lack of variety of said Christmas songs. There are literally hundreds and probably more like thousands upon thousands of Christmas tunes out there, yet our ears are assailed by the same 20-25 of them every single time we step into a store during the holiday season. Even the new Justin Bieber Christmas songs might be an improvement.

… okay, maybe not. But at least they’d be new.

The shame of it is how many great Christmas songs there are that simply don’t get played, because they’re weird, old, or just because Elvis hasn’t done a version of them. Instead they play Paul McCartney’s “Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time” which, Geneva Convention or not, is definitely torture.

So. Why do we keep singing Christmas carols? Here’s a wonderful article from Slate that examines the question, and gives the long history of Christmas songs–how the early Church hated pagan adaptations, how Puritans hated them and how the modern Christmas celebration arose.

And I also have two additions to my 12 Carols series, one of which is based on the other. Yes, I know that makes 14 carols, technically. What can I say, math has never been my area of expertise.

Lord of the Dance is only a quasi-Christmas carol. Its words were written in 1967, and it tells the story of Jesus’s life in first-person. It has absolutely nothing to do with Michael Flatley, I promise.

Lord of the Dance was based on Tomorrow Shall Be My Dancing Day, however, which was a Christmas Carol, published in 1833, but traditional long before that.

They’ve disabled YouTube embedding for this one, but have a listen. It has a weird little syncopated rhythm, and I remember singing it once in choir. It was fun.

I’m Baaaaack! Weather Approaching…?

*tap, tap*

Is this thing on?

Merry Christmas and a happy New Year, and I am back from my unplanned quasi-sabbatical. I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long. If it makes you feel any better, I haven’t been on vacation, I’ve just been writing stories for the Daily Globe proper and haven’t had time to dedicate to my blog.

I had a wonderful Christmas, surrounded by family and food and lots of presents. I also got to spend some time with my brother while he played Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, which was kind of like watching a really fantastic movie, it was so cinematic.

I’ve heard rumors of some bad weather approaching, just in time for the big New Year’s weekend, but I’m not sure I’ll get much of a chance to research it properly. I’ve heard everything from rain+wind=bad to SNOWMAGGEDON WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE. (Okay, so that last one’s left over from last Christmas’s snowstorm.)

And apparently it’s already bad out there today, at least in the country. Have you guys heard anything?

Bad Movies, Bad Reviews, Good Times?

Thanks to my Netflix subscription, I’ve been working my way through a series of bad movies, each  more hilarious than the last, featuring interminable sandstorms, wooden acting, writing that had to have come from a million monkeys with typewriters and directors who may not have even bothered to show up.

Why would I waste my time on bad movies, you may ask?

Well, I’m watching them as Mystery Science Theatre 3000 movies.

But honestly, there’s a good chance I’d watch them anyway, even without the sarcastic comments liberally overlaid throughout the films. I have tremendously enjoyed all kinds of awful writing, after all; the Twilight novels are some of my favorite books in the world and I remember trying hard not to get the hiccups from laughing too hard while I read them.

And then there are other types of bad writing. There’s even some specific awards for bad writing, including the “Bad Sex in Fiction” award, offered by the Literary Review (I won’t link this, for the sake of everyone’s sanity), and of course everybody knows about the Bulwer-Lytton contest.

But I also enjoy reading negative reviews. I’ve read long reviews of games the reviewers hated, reviews of movies that should have been put out of their misery, and reviews of books that may have been better off becoming mulch because at least that way, they would be useful to society.

It’s amazing how expressive people can be when they really, truly loathe a piece of art.

12 Carols: Riu, Riu, Chiu

Carol #12, Riu, Riu, Chiu, is a traditional 16th-century Spanish carol, though it may have originally been written in Portuguese. It has a dancing tempo and a nice, albeit confusing story about being protected, like God protected Jesus.

It’s a fun song you may have heard at a madrigal dinner, if you’ve ever been to one.

Merry Christmas!

12 Carols: I Saw Three Ships and the Coventry Carol

Our two Christmas carols for this morning are both traditional English carols.

The first, #10, I Saw Three Ships, is an upbeat song from the 17th century that some people believe is a happier version of Greensleeves (better known to Christmas aficionados as "What Child Is This").

I love this tune but the lyrics are a little odd. I don’t remember ships being in the original Christmas story at all; I always envisioned Mary being carried into town by a donkey. But hey, what do I know?

Christmas Carol #11, the Coventry Carol, also has some weird lyrics, but if you’ve actually read the Christmas story in the Bible it’ll sound familiar. If incredibly depressing.

Because it’s about babies dying.

No, seriously. The song is about the Massacre of the Innocents, a nasty little episode in which King Herod ordered all the babies killed because he didn’t know (or maybe just didn’t care) which one was the savior.

 It’s a suitably haunting tune for its subject matter.

The other 12 carols can be found here.

And we have one more to go today.

We Wish You a Merry Blizzmas

Christmas plans don’t always work out.

Thousands of people across the country have discovered that fact today, if they didn’t already know it, and I am sure it’s hitting some people very hard.

Take heart. Christmas comes just once a year, but nobody said it had to be on December 25. Many people work on Christmas every year, from snowplow drivers to restaurant owners, and not everybody has a choice.

Christmas was always a big deal in my family, but when I was a child we very rarely celebrated it on Christmas. No, it wasn’t on Christmas Eve, either.

Generally speaking it was December 26 or maybe even after that when my family jammed the contents of our entire home (or so it seemed) into the car and headed to grandma’s house, which was over the highway and through the fields, then through some other fields, and then through some more fields. Southern Minnesota has lots of fields.

My dad is a minister, so as long as I can remember he’s been doing something or other for work on Christmas, whether it’s a midnight service Christmas Eve or some other festive, cheerful church service on the honored day itself. I never felt bereft, though, when our family had to stay behind on Christmas Day, or when dad kindly chose to stay by himself so the rest of us could go to grandma’s.

We kids got our loot on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, which was fun, but then we made the trip to our grandparents’ house, which was where Christmas really began: with 13 or so adults trying to manage 15 children of various sizes and ages. Mostly we were herded to the basement, where we proceeded to break or maim many of the toys we had just received. We had fun doing it, because we were together.

Later I learned the adults actually preferred children to sit upstairs while they told family stories, provided you behaved yourself reasonably well. They’d pass around dozens of Christmas cards, photos and letters, and you could learn a lot about the family that way, especially if they forgot you were there.

And of course there were cookies of every possible shape and size: krumkake, rosettes and lefse, the traditional Norwegian goodies, and the special German butter nut horns from my dad’s side of the family that my mother slaves over, along with dozens of sugar cookies liberally dusted with colored sprinkles, thumbprints, peanut butter stars and my very favorite, the understated currant cookies, which may in fact be made of Christmas, cut somehow down into cookie form.

It was Christmas.

Sometimes it wasn’t December 25, but it was Christmas all the same.

12 Carols: The Holly and the Ivy and Lo How a Rose E’er Blooming

Our songs today are horticultural in nature.

Carol #8, "Lo, How a Rose E’er Blooming," was written in the late 16th century, and translated into English in 1894. It’s in the green Lutheran hymnal, if anyone still uses those (I love the green book). Here are the lyrics, once in the original German and three times in English (one literal translation and two poetic ones suitable for singing).

The reference to the rose comes from Isaiah 35:

The wilderness and the solitary place shall be glad for them; and the desert shall rejoice, and blossom as the rose. It shall blossom abundantly, and rejoice even with joy and singing: the glory of Lebanon shall be given unto it, the excellency of Carmel and Sharon; they shall see the glory of the LORD, and the excellency of our God.

Carol #9, The Holly and the Ivy, sounds pretty frankly pagan rather than Christian in its chorus, and at one time it probably was a pagan song. However, the version most people sing now has been Christianized, and it’s about the birth of Jesus.

It has a lovely tune. You can find some lyrics and alternate lyrics here. The first place I remember hearing this song was on the stage of the Guthrie during "A Christmas Carol." I believe Scrooge’s little sister Fan was singing it, in a crystal clear, lovely voice.

I found two versions of it I liked.

 

The other 12 Carols are here.

12 Carols: Lullay My Liking and Patapan

Carol #6, Lullay My Liking, also called "I Saw a Fair Maiden," is another lullabye tune meant to distract Baby Jesus from the fact that there are not only noisy, smelly barnyard animals around, but also shepherds, kings and a whole fargin’ chorus of angels, so that the kid can sleep.

This may have been a losing battle, but it certainly made for lovely music in this 15th-century text. I sang a version of this in college, though I cannot find the same tune anywhere on YouTube; there are plenty of tunes that can go with this song, the lyrics of which can be found here. You can even get the sheet music of Holst’s version for free.

As Carol #7, Pat-a-Pan, contends that not only did Mary have to deal with angels, kings, shepherds, and barnyard animals, but some kid playing the drums showed up too.

Other mothers don’t usually have to deal with this.

"Pat-a-Pan" is a traditional Burgundian French Christmas Carol about kids with noisy musical instruments, and its chorus goes "Tu-re-lu-re-lu, pat-a-pat-a-pan." Here are the lyrics.

The other 12 Carols are here.