Candidates for Worst Movie

Some of the folks on Facebook have some suggestions for the worst movies they’ve seen.

  • TB: The Sweetest Thing. “I normally like that genre, but it was drivel. Went nowhere.”
  • ML: Anything with George Clooney in it.
  • CT: Lady in the Water. “Painfully strange and annoying.” Sucker Punch, a close second. “A noisy mess.”
  • AW: War of the Worlds, in Swedish, with English subtitles.
  • AM: Black Hawk Down “There is just only so many consecutive minutes of guys peeking around corners with an M16 that I can take.”
  • JH: Apocalypse Now. “Could not watch.”

I think the only movie I’ve ever stopped watching out of self-defense is probably the first “The Fast and the Furious.” Boring, inane dialogue and some of the least sympathetic characters ever (and that’s a high bar to vault).

I even sat through the entirety of “Transformers”, hoping against hope that everyone in the movie would be killed somehow. Disappointingly, all the “stars” made it out alive.

Edit: And here’s a few more!

  • BB: Silent Hill, half the Resident Evils, anything involving Steven Segal, and of course, Jean Claude Van Damme’s entire collection. Clan of the Cave Bear “where they inexplicably decided to make the dialogue of the entire movie grunts and snorts because it’s about neanderthals.”
  • BR: Marked for Death and Borat. “We actually paid money to see Steven Segal in ‘Marked for Death’ in the theater… it was dreadful. Worse than dreadful. I would also count that stupid ‘Borat’ movie in my top few.”
  • JE: Shazaam and any of the Twlight movies.
  • JD: The latest installment of Die Hard.
  • PG: Howard the Duck.

And mooooooore! Really, DEEP HURTING seems to be the theme here.

  • PG: Parenthood (1989). “All the funny stuff you saw in the trailer was all the funny stuff there was. After the first 5 minutes, it descended into this hell of family life.”
  • AM: Pearl Harbor. “I think maybe there should be a second canvassing for Worst Ever Mega Blockbusters. #1: Pearl Harbor.”
  • RM: Plan Nine from Outer Space, Manos: The Hands of Fate, Birdemic, The Room, The Happening, Dreamscape, The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, Overdrawn at the Memory Bank, Uwe Boll’s entire body of work.

14 thoughts on “Candidates for Worst Movie

  1. Hey, Buckaroo Banzai is a classic, schlocky 80s movie. If you watched it looking for quality, then you wasted your time. For another terrible movie I nominate Titanic. The only thing good in that movie is the last 45 minutes.

  2. Hey, you really need to give a lot of these movies some credit before you hate on them so much. There is a reason they were produced, its because people couldn’t write or direct or act any better. The fact that it was a feature film is qualifying in itself, that’s not saying that all feature films were total glory. Sure there have been some bad ones but the ones you chose you don’t like because its different. “Well because its ugly,” moan the pedants. Well it’s only ugly because its new and you don’t like it. That doesn’t, in any right, allow you to call them the “worst.” Go out and watch a movie called Ax’em. Ever heard of it? Of coarse you haven’t, because it would be on this list. You can’t call these movies bad unless you have seen some ones that are worse. And I mean WAY worse.

    • Well, I’ve seen “Manos: The Hands of Fate.”

      It’s the fourth worst movie in the IMDB rankings: http://www.imdb.com/chart/bottom

      And the ones I chose, I didn’t dislike “because they were different.” I disliked them because they had poor writing, poor characterization, silly plots or bad acting. “Transformers” isn’t that different than most summer blockbuster-style movies (“everyman” hero, perfunctory love interest, explosions, macguffins), and neither is “The Fast and the Furious.” They’re just worse (in my opinion).

      Most of the movies above, though, were disliked by various different people, who I can’t speak for and don’t necessarily even agree with. (I actually like George Clooney when he’s playing an unreliable rogue, for example. “O Brother Where Art Thou” was great, and I enjoyed “Out of Sight” too.)

  3. Now this is awhile ago, but the movie Shaksphere in Love. BOORING. and Gwenneth Paltrow wins best actor. And is the most beautiful woman in the WORLD. Cmon.

  4. Kangaroo Jack was the worst movie I paid to see, the only thing funny about it was the trailer. I almost asked for my money back.

    • I heard about that one. The plot alone is kind of… well, it’s like “Snakes on a Plane.” It can only be bad, or so bad it’s good. And in this case, from what I’ve heard, it was indeed just bad. (Though I haven’t seen it myself.)

  5. Another that came to mind – The Phantom with Billy Zane. I won free tickets to this pretentious schlock feast, and I still feel cheated. At one point, the main character is wrestling with poorly costumed pirates for a glowing [obviously plastic] skull in a cave that is clearly made of paper mâché… and I thought, “I’ve seen community theater that’ better than this; actually, I’ve see bad community theater that’s better than this.”

  6. Another that came to mind – The Phantom with Billy Zane. I won free tickets to this pretentious schlockfest, and I still feel cheated. At one point, the main character is wrestling with poorly costumed pirates for a glowing [obviously plastic] skull in a cave that is clearly made of paper mâché… and I thought, “I’ve seen community theater that’ better than this; actually, I’ve see bad community theater that’s better than this.”

    • Aww, I liked The Phantom!

      As you correctly pointed out, though, it was extremely silly, and reminded me far more of the Adam West Batman series than anything. If you were expecting a “real” superhero movie, and especially in that era of grimdark “serious” superhero movies, though, I could see where you’d be super disappointed.

      However, it’s hard to take any guy in a purple leotard who wears his striped underwear on the outside totally seriously anyway, so I guess they decided to just have fun with the ridiculous subject matter.

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