Bad Love (Songs)

What are the worst love songs of all time?

Well, this list on Yahoo! is a good start, but it barely scratches the surface of love songs that leave something to be desired, such as “love,” or in some cases, “song.”

Along with Billy Joel’s “She’s Always a Woman,” noted here for describing the sociopathic, needlessly cruel behavior of the woman in question, there should be a couple more. Let’s start with the Beatles’ “Girl,” another chronicle of an abusive woman, and “When a Man Loves a Woman.”

This Worst Wedding Songs list has the ever-creepy “Run For Your Life” from the Beatles, along with Sting’s stalkery “Every Breath You Take.” Both of these songs are stalker anthems.

How about “Close to You”? “Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?” Isn’t that an Alfred Hitchcock movie?

Then again, I have to admit I do like Elton John’s “Your Song,” even though it’s apparently written from the point of view of a guy with ADHD who’s trying to write a song but keeps interrupting himself, leading to a totally incoherent tune that’s somehow sincere and sweet anyway.

Other Things That Are Not Romantic, many of which I’ve noted before:

  • “Phantom of the Opera.” It seems very romantic when you’re 15 years old (I know I thought so). It’s only later that you think it through and realize the play is about a man who literally kidnaps a woman and drags her into a basement, where he wants her to stay. Forever. That’s not romantic, that’s criminal.
  • Flowers. I love you, therefore I’m giving you the severed reproductive organs of plants. Better toe the line or you’re next.
  • Twilight.” Elderly man creeps into a high school girl’s room and watches her while she sleeps. Yikes!
  • “Titanic.” I have to admit, I had to stifle a giggle when they were on the raft at the end of the movie, she says “I’ll never let go” and then almost immediately shoves her love’s corpse off the raft. It’s all about timing, am I right?