A Wicked Bad Poisonous Brew

Coffee?

Coffee?

It’s probably for the best that I’m not married. If I were, my hypothetical husband might be a little worried about all the poison-related articles that I’ve been accruing. Then I probably wouldn’t be allowed to make the coffee anymore.

On the other hand, then I wouldn’t have to make the coffee anymore.

  • If I married an opossum it would be all right, because apparently it is impossible to poison an opossum. Of course, I would not marry an opossum. I do not even allow opossums to hang out in my garage.
  • If you suspect someone is attempting to poison you, here is a list of things to watch out for. Things that taste too bitter. Things that taste too sweet. Spouses. And exes.
  • Of course, not all poisons are deliberately administered. Sometimes they’re a result of a toxic spill.
  • And then there’s the poisoning that results from the use of lead bullets, which have conservationists and environmentalists worried about the condor again.
  • For other birds, it’s lead paint that causes problems.
  • Plus, we were stupid enough to use ethyl lead to stop the “knock” in our gasoline for years. Yes, that “Ethyl” is tetraethyl lead, and it caused factory workers to go insane and die due to exposure. Apparently levels of lead are still up…
  • And then there’s the dead themselves, who may be poisonous, even if they weren’t poisoned.

But if you want to get really exotic, you could poison someone with polonium. You’d really have to be an overachiever for that, though.

If I were you, I’d sit down and relax instead.

Have some coffee.

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