He Hit You With A What?!?

Photo from Fox 4 News of Dallas-Fort Wort

A man allegedly hit a woman with a frozen armadillo in Texas recently.

Apparently everything’s weirder in Texas.

You can’t make this kind of stuff up because no one would believe you if you did.

The news comes from Fox 4 News via BoingBoing, which is a lovely repository of the weird.

I can only imagine how that conversation with the cops went.

Cop: Ma’am, tell us what happened.

Lady: I wanted to buy an armadillo from him, and–

Cop: … you wanted to buy a what?

Lady: An armadillo! They’re good eating, if you know how to cook them.

Cop: … uh, okay, ma’am. So you were going to buy this armadillo. What happened?

Lady: Well, it wasn’t just an armadillo. It was a frozen armadillo.

Cop: It… was a frozen armadillo. I didn’t know they came frozen, ma’am.

Lady: They don’t usually, but I thought I’d thaw it out on the weekend.

Cop: … all right, so you were there to purchase a frozen armadillo.

Lady: And we argued. It was very upsetting. I was very upset! He was trying to charge me way more than we’d agreed on! Far more than the going rate for armadillos!

Cop: There’s a going rate for armadillos?

Lady: Of course there is.

Cop: … yes, ma’am. He wanted to charge you too much. Then what happened?

Lady: He threw it at me!

Cop: He threw what at you?

Lady: The armadillo!

Cop: He threw the frozen armadillo at you?

Lady: Yes! And it hurt a lot! I’ve got bruises all the way from here to–

Cop, interrupting: Ma’am, you don’t have to show me, we have pictures.

Lady: Oh, right. Sorry, I get carried away.

Cop: Right. Well, that’s all we need right now, ma’am. We’ll stay in touch.

Lady: Thank you so much!

Cop, after the Lady leaves: … at least it wasn’t a frozen platypus. That would be just silly.