Halloweather

It’s not supposed to snow on Halloween this year.

It generally doesn’t snow on Halloween, if my memory isn’t deceiving me, and if there’s snow on the ground, it’s usually not a lot.

But I think everyone my age remembers when it did snow on the Best Kid Holiday, the year it snowed, and snowed, and kept snowing until we thought it was never going to stop.

It gives us a story we’ll be telling kids all our lives on Halloween, and it has the virtue of being much scarier than ghouls and ghosts, though I didn’t find out about the scary parts until I was older. That storm killed 22 people and wreaked absolute havoc on the Midwest, but at the time, it was just another Halloween.

Hey, kid. You think you have it tough, having to walk all over town to get candy on Halloween? Guess what. I trick-or-treated during the Great Halloween Blizzard of 1991.

I can’t remember anymore what costume I wore that year, but it didn’t make any difference, because in 1991, pretty much everyone wore the same costume: a sweater, heavy pants, a heavy coat, boots, scarf, mittens and a hat. A little fringe of the real costume generally stuck out somewhere, though.

Every year you dress up to trick-or-treat, some adult will ask you what you’re supposed to be, even when it’s completely obvious. In 1991, it wasn’t obvious, and every kid in the state wore pretty much the same costume, no matter what they were supposed to be.

We all went as Minnesotans that year.

My family lived a little way out of town, so we’d always hang out with another family for Halloween. The moms would stay in the house in town, and hand out candy. The dads would herd both families’ kids into the van and follow us around while we went trick-or-treating, watching out for us from the street.

I don’t think we stayed out long that year, but I can’t really remember much about it. I can’t remember much about trick-or-treating in general, because it was always one big blur to me.

Literally a blur. I had glasses by first grade, so Halloween was always the same. I left the house, and my glasses would fog up. I got into the van and my glasses would fog up. Then I got out and my glasses would fog up, and I’d be invited into the house and my glasses would fog up, and then I’d leave and my glasses would fog up… well, you get the picture.

It’s a white, foggy picture.

I remember stumbling blindly over snowdrifts with my friends guiding me and making sure I didn’t walk off a cliff. Fortunately Minnesota, while long on nasty weather, is remarkably short on cliffs.

It was cold, too. My nose ran. I ran. Everyone else ran too, darting from house to house and grateful to anyone who let us into the entryway, with the dads watching carefully from the street.

We took home a great candy haul that year, even though I’m pretty sure we went home early as the snow worsened and developed into a full-blown blizzard as night descended. Probably all the adults realized they were going to be stuck with all their candy if they didn’t give out multiple pieces to the few children who were braving the weather.

Yeah, that was the Halloween Blizzard of 1991, which I spent stumbling around in the snow with my friends, giggling and thanking adults for plying us with delicious, nutritionally worthless sugar products.

Dye Another Day

I got a henna kit for my birthday. Even though it’s not quite my birthday yet.

Henna is a natural dye commonly used to decorate skin. Using henna to put a design on your skin is like having an orange temporary tattoo that fades away after a week or maybe a month. I’ve never tried henna before, but I’ve always wanted to–I really like the idea of body art, but I don’t want to do anything permanent to my skin.

I don’t know any designs I liked 20 years ago that I still liked now, and if you could get tattoos at the age of 9, I’d probably have a purple unicorn on my skin somewhere. Or a purple kitten. I don’t like cats and I don’t like the color purple anymore, and while it would be cool to have a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle on my arm, I have a feeling people would think I was weird.

So henna seems like a fun substitute. The thing is, I’m going to have to use lemon, sugar, and tea or coffee to make the stuff, and then it has to soak for 12 hours, and… I don’t know when it’s going to get done, because you need to prepare for doing it. If it turns out all right, I’ll take a picture and show you folks. If it doesn’t… well, we’ll just pretend it didn’t happen, right?

Strange Images

Over the past week or two I’ve stored up a long list of interesting photo galleries to share, most of which come from the copyright/geek/random stuff site BoingBoing:

The Future

The Future

Hexing Hitler: A Life gallery of the time in 1941 when a group of people tried to put a curse on Hitler. Seriously.

Things Organized Neatly: A Tumblr gallery of… things organized neatly. All kinds of things. I don’t see the point, but they are kind of pleasing to look at.

1975 and the Changes to Come: A gallery of predictions for the future (that future being 1975). Some came true, some… er… didn’t.

Military Photos: A guy’s photos from his military service. I can’t remember the date on these, but it looks like the 1960s to me. Fun to look at in that “contextless images of another persons’ life” way.

A Sculpture Dress for Each State: A woman designed a sculptural dress for each of the 50 states. The Minnesota one is made of corn, and the Iowa one is made of Iowans. Kidding; the Iowa one is actually made of tall prairie grass. (I think this one came from Yahoo! news rather than BoingBoing, though I could be wrong about that. It’s been a few days.)

Halloween Horrors

One of my favorite columnists, Tammy Swift, recently wrote about Halloween candies people should avoid buying for trick-or-treaters. While I agree with some of her choices (Neco Wafers have the chalky taste of Tums without their beneficial effect, and while candy corn is cute, it is utterly flavorless), there were a few candies that I thought didn’t deserve to be on the “Ick or treat” list.

 

Redeemable Candy

Here are a few candies I’d like to take off the “Ick” list:

1. Blue-raspberry flavored candy. Even if you don’t like the flavor, they turn your mouth a blue color not generally found in nature, and to an eight-year-old this is the coolest thing ever.

2. Tootsie Rolls. These are not a top-tier candy, a status reserved for Snickers, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Milk Duds and the like. That said, they are a solid second-tier candy, and after the real chocolate is gone, you could always count on the Tootsie Rolls to go next, long before the hard candy and off-brands.

3. Raisins. While getting nothing but raisins would be a tragedy, getting a box or two of them with all the candy was all right. They’re plenty sweet, and I always ate mine. They’re chewy and sweet and given the packaging, are about as much like candy as “fruit” can get.

Optional Candy

There are a few love-it-or-hate-it candies that should only be offered as a choice among options.

1. Good-n-Plenty: These delicious pellets of black licorice goodness are not popular with children, because they are, in fact, black licorice.

As a small child I believed black licorice had personally been invented by Satan just to torture people who had been expecting real candy.

Now I could probably snarf down three or four of those tiny magenta candy boxes full of bitter deliciousness in about thirty seconds–but Halloween is for kids, right?

2. Almond Joy, Mounds, and anything with coconut. I love coconut. Almond Joys and Mounds were both top-tier candies for me. But coconut is often a love-it-or-hate-it thing, and the kids who hate coconut really, really hate coconut. Give them an opt-out candy, please.

3. Midnight Snickers, and anything with dark chocolate. To me, nothing is better

FILE- This April 21, 2010 file photo shows a Hershey's chocolate bar in Philadelphia. Experts say kids love the gimmicks at Halloween, but the classics, like this Hershey's chocolate bar, remain strong sellers. (AP Photo/Matt Rourke, FILE)

FILE- This April 21, 2010 file photo shows a Hershey's chocolate bar in Philadelphia. Experts say kids love the gimmicks at Halloween, but the classics, like this Hershey's chocolate bar, remain strong sellers. (AP Photo/Matt Rourke, FILE)

than dark chocolate. I valued the very, very rare bits of dark chocolate that made their way into my jack’o'lantern pail each  year, and ate them nibble by tiny nibble, making them last as long as possible. However, like coconut, dark chocolate is not generally a kiddie favorite, and alternatives should definitely be provided.

4. Peanut butter anything. Yeah, almost everyone loves peanut butter. It’s practically un-American not to like peanut butter. Plus, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are pretty much the Cadillac of Halloween candies. I understand that totally. That said, for the one out of a million kids who passionately hate peanut butter, providing them with an alternative is kindness beyond measure.

The Totally Unacceptable Candy

As a kid, there were few candies I really strongly disliked, but anything with peanut butter flavoring topped the list. I even hated Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, which are incredibly popular.

No, I’m not putting them on the “bad” list. Besides, my brother was always very happy to trade for my peanut butter candies.

The all-time worst Halloween candy has to be those little waxy peanut-butter-flavored taffy-like blobs that come in orange and black twists. They’re horrible. The texture is horrible. The flavor is horrible. Everything about them except the packaging is horrible. In fact, the packaging may be more edible than the candies.

These peanut butter pellets were the candies that were left at the bottom of the bucket when everything edible was gone. These were the only candies that no one in my whole house liked. These candies are good for one thing only, and that is throwing them at siblings. Even then, Gobstoppers are more aerodynamic.

(Note: There may be a few people out there who like the peanut butter pellets. They are probably pod people deployed by Martians to take over the world.)

 

This Oct. 19, 2010 photo shows the Candy Blood Bag filled with cherry liquid candy at McKeesport Candy Company in McKeesport, Pa. Experts say kids love the gimmicks, like this Candy Blood Bag, at Halloween, but the classics remain strong sellers. (AP Photo/John Heller)

This Oct. 19, 2010 photo shows the Candy Blood Bag filled with cherry liquid candy at McKeesport Candy Company in McKeesport, Pa. (AP Photo/John Heller)

Alternatives to Candy

One of the commenters on Swift’s story offered up a few fun suggestions for candy alternatives– options for people who don’t want to give out sugary, fattening and generally nutritionally unwise treats.

1. Pencils. Can’t go wrong with educational tools, right? And you can get all sorts of fun patterns and things, quite cheaply and in bulk.

2. Stickers or temporary tattoos. Everyone loves stickers. Make sure they’re gender-neutral!

3. Packages of hot cocoa. I think you can get these sugar-free. Might be a little pricey, but it’s still fun, at least.

And here are more alternatives from about.com:

4. Sugar-free gum. Sugar-free stuff used to taste like cardboard, but it’s gotten pretty decent. And kids do like gum, as long as it’s not that hard kind that goes flavorless after five minutes of chewing.

5. Halloween party favors. I remember giving out spider rings at some point, but noisemakers, vampire teeth, bouncy balls or bottles of bubble solution would work too.

What do you think? What candies should be avoided at all costs, and what candies were your favorites for trick-or-treat?

WMS, Beauty and Loving Your Hair

Today I visited Worthington Middle School to take a picture of the awesome kids and staff, who are hard at work raising money for breast cancer research. (Look for the photo in the Daily Globe tomorrow or the next day.)

One of the girls there looked at me and told me I was pretty.

This made my day. She had an awesome pair of glasses and she was wearing a pretty cute outfit herself, I might add, and I would have told her so if she hadn’t wandered back into the lunch line, but at least I did say thank you.

This is the second time I’ve been told I was pretty in the line of duty. The first time I went around all day telling everyone a cute Latino boy had told me I was pretty, only explaining that he was about 3 years old after people looked impressed.

These days it’s hard even for beautiful people to think they’re pretty. Apparently Barbie is the ideal for this, although I don’t remember ever thinking Barbie was the icon of beauty. I had another fashion doll I liked better.

In fact, I had two. One was named Whitney. She had the longest, most beautiful dark hair, far longer than the hair of any of the blonde Barbies I had, so you could turn it and twist it into ornate updos the blondies couldn’t manage. The other one, I think, was a Teresa doll, although I could be identifying her incorrectly. I haven’t been able to find any pictures of this doll online, but she had dark hair, too, slightly reddish. It was also crimped. This was back when crimped hair was cool.

Neither of my favorite dolls was blonde. Maybe I was just a weird kid, though. Or maybe my mom (and her light brown hair, which was just as long as Barbie’s would have been in real life) has been and always will be my standard of beauty.

Why am I yammering on and on about hair, you may ask. Well, this isn’t an issue I’ve ever had to deal with, but apparently hair can be a big problem for African-American girls, or anybody whose hair has a different texture to it than the hair people think of as “normal.”

So much so that Sesame Street is doing a segment on it, with a cute little muppet with adorably frizzy hair. Watch it. It’s pretty cool.

To Be or Not To Be… Silly

I watched a delightful movie this weekend. Or maybe I watched a terrible movie. Or maybe I watched one of the greatest plays in English literature. It’s kind of hard to tell, since what I saw was Mystery Science Theatre 3000′s take on a lame dubbed German version of “Hamlet.”

This Hamlet had Rosencrantz, Guildenstern and Fortinbras surgically removed, whether it was by the editors of MST3K (who need movies to fit into their timeframe) or by the directors of Hamlet.

I’ve never liked Hamlet, and before you think I’m trashing Shakespeare, I’m not. I loved “Othello,” greatly enjoyed “Midsummer Night’s Dream” and liked “The Tempest.” I even liked “Julius Caesar,” despite its liberties with history.

It’s Hamlet. I don’t like Hamlet. What can I say, the guy bugs me. The play’s action is centered around inaction, and while I understand that he’s conflicted between his duties as a prince and his college student humanist ideas, I don’t care. I find him annoying. And the way he treats Ophelia is irritating, although it certainly does seem to be the relationship a teenage girl thinks she wants: a controlling, irresponsible guy who’s moody, crazy and probably wears black all the time. Okay, maybe I’m reading too much into it.

But I’ve never liked Hamlet.

Taking the MST3K spin on it was a whole lot more palatable than the original, I thought. The characters made fun of the sparsity and angular dullness of the set, the glam-sparkly look of Hamlet’s father’s ghost and the bizarre hairdo of the queen, which may have been the inspiration for Queen Amidala in the most recent Star Wars trilogy.

But they also took on the text of the play itself, something usually viewed as sacred ground for literature enthusiasts.

Hamlet’s death scene is (if you’ll pardon the pun) interminable. And that’s the way it was written (although the staging of this particular version certainly didn’t help).

Still a big Shakespeare fan, though. Just not a fan of Hamlet.

(Don’t get me started on Romeo and Juliet, either.)

Shoulda Learned

I brought my guitar to work today.

No, it is not Bring Your Guitar to Work Day today. A coworker wanted to see a classical guitar and check how it differs from your standard acoustic rock guitar, so I brought my lovely classical guitar in.

For the record: It has a shorter and wider neck and does not have a pick guard. Less quantifiable: Playing it is less painful.

I am my guitar teacher’s only classical guitar student, and I am a very bad one. I don’t practice much and I probably whine too much about how far I have to stretch my chubby little fingers. But I’m still enjoying it!

Celebrating Things that Go Bump in the Night

From ghoulies and ghosties
And long-leggedy beasties
And things that go bump in the night,
Good Lord, deliver us!
— Traditional proverb

I’ve always liked Halloween, even though it involved wearing approximately 10 layers of clothing and wandering around half-blind in the snow for hours on end, followed by watchful parents in a cozy van.

Maybe it’s because of all the free candy. Even as an adult, there’s just something about free candy. Despite the fact that as an adult, you can buy all the candy you like and eat it ‘til your teeth rot out of your head and the last time you remember coming down from the sugar high was 1991, Halloween candy still has its allure.

It could just be the variety — I can’t remember a time other than Halloween that I’ve possessed malted milk balls, caramels, chocolate bars, peanut butter cups, and Sugar Babies all at the same time, much less eaten them all within a few hours.

It’s definitely not because I like being scared. I hate being scared. And all the scares of Halloween really pale in comparison to gang wars in America, nuclear proliferation in the Middle East, civil wars in Africa or even simply the magnitude of my student loans. Pretend things just aren’t as scary as the real world when you’re an adult.

The best part about Halloween is probably that it’s “come as you’re not” day. It’s a topsy-turvy day, when people won’t think it strange if you wear spider earrings (ew!) or a wig two feet tall to work. If you want to wear a black cape and fake fangs, you can, but you can just as easily dress like a fairy princess.

I dressed up as all kinds of things when I was a kid — a polka-dotted ghost, a beauty queen, She-Ra… I think one year I was even Charlie Brown. When my cousins were fairy princesses, I decided to one-up them, and told my mother very firmly that I wanted to be king that year.

Lately, though, I’ve just been dressing all in black, wearing black lipstick and a long black wig. The effect is surprisingly unsettling, and I’m not sure I like it when small children look at me worriedly.

This year, maybe I’ll be king instead.

Autumn Beckons

I love fall. The temperature can be perfect, the leaves turn red-gold, the wind grows crisp and apples, pumpkins, soups and gravy come back into fashion.

Fall is our reward for having survived the punishing muggy heat of summer, just like spring is our reward for surviving what seems like an interminable winter. Minnesota autumns are gorgeous.

According to the Farmers Almanac, we’re supposed to have a very nasty winter this year.

In Minnesota, predicting a bad winter is almost like predicting the sun will rise in the east tomorrow; you can do it with absolute certainty, because even when the winter is relatively mild, it never feels mild. When it’s 15 degrees out, nobody says “Gee, I’m so glad it’s not 10.” For one thing, we’re shivering too hard to talk. For another thing, chances are if you’re outside you have something to do, such as shoveling, or getting the mail, or sliding over to your car hoping you won’t slip on the ice and break something important, like your skull.

Don’t get me wrong. I like winter. It gives you an excellent excuse to stay indoors. But I only like it for a few months. When February rolls around, I start thinking: “When is this going to be over?” And when I flip over March on my wall calender, I think: “I can hold out another month. Yes. I will hold out another month.” And then, in April: “If it snows one more @$%&ing time, I’m moving to Tahiti.”

No, winter’s beautiful, summer allows you to go on boats and grill, and spring is a muddy relief, but autumn is the season for me.

Reader Response

I’ve had several positive responses to my “It Gets Better” post, including an email from a teacher stating she was going to use it in class, and a couple of people who’ve told me they too had a hard time as kids.

I hope I did a bit of good.

Until I read the book “Odd Girl Out” when I was in college, I honestly thought it was my fault that I’d been bullied. I figured it was because I had glasses or because I was “smart.” I didn’t dress any different from my peers, and I wasn’t chubby until junior high, so it wasn’t either of those things.

But they don’t need a reason, as it turns out. Sometimes they’ll just pick someone, and then that person will become a sort of symbol for everything “our group” isn’t. Uncool, nerdy, geeky, know-it-all, or whatever. They really don’t need a reason or an excuse, because once they pick their victim, they can make up all the excuses they want.

My class was especially cliquey and the girls had some of the meanest groups my teachers had ever seen, but my class was the exception and not the the rule. The girls didn’t punch anybody, but at that point in my life a straight-up brawl would have been far preferable to the silent treatment and shunning I got. Whereas my brother’s class was tiny, and they were tight, and when somebody was nasty to one of the people in his class, every member of it closed ranks against the outsider and defended the victim.

I think some of the girls in my class would have happily fed me to sharks.

I never ever talked about it if I could help it. My parents would ask me how my day was and I would say “fine,” partly because being shunned was normal and average and “fine,” and partly because if I talked about what happened, it became more real and everything hurt all over again. So it is partly my fault that the adults didn’t have any idea how awful things were.

But in a way, it really wasn’t that bad. Nobody ever beat me up and very, very few kids ever said anything cruel to my face. Very, very few kids ever said anything to my face, actually.

If I hadn’t had a few best friends (April and Sarah R.) who were willing to be shunned for speaking to me, school would have been unbearable.

If you have ever experienced bullying, especially if you’re a girl or a woman (because a lot of adults are still haunted by bullying they received in childhood, I learned), I strongly recommend reading “Odd Girl Out.” It’s a great book, and it talks about girl bullying both from the victim’s point of view and from the bully’s.