Unfantastic Plastic

I had an interesting discussion the other day with a guy about plastic surgery.

I mentioned the famous women who are generally considered “the most beautiful,” whatever that really means. Nicole Kidman, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Scarlett Johansson. He added Angelina Jolie to the list, and I’m pretty sure I’m forgetting a few of the girls.

But then he wondered how many of them have had plastic surgery. I said I couldn’t recall that any of those particular ladies had, but that you could often tell who had and who hadn’t.

This was apparently news to him.

It’s not that I go around looking for the signs of plastic surgery. I don’t. It’s just that I really like style and often check galleries of red carpet events to see what everyone’s wearing. And many of those outfits are fairly revealing. This means I have seen an awful lot of unconvincing bosoms, even though I am definitely not looking for them. Here’s a hint, boys: If they don’t sag a bit when you’re standing up, they’re not real.

A giveaway for liposuction: your belly is weirdly lumpy, like a bowl full of oatmeal with raisins. Tara Reid, for example.

And then there’s the lips. If your lips haven’t been stuffed with collagen, the top one is generally going to be smaller than the bottom one. There are a few exceptions. Lisa Rinna would be an example of lips gone horribly wrong, although for some reason, plenty of people actually like this creepy look.