Weather… Or Not

These are trying times in Minnesota, when stare into our closets in the morning, wondering what exactly the weather is going to do. This is the time of year when we see people wearing shorts and a winter coat at the same time–and it actually seems sensible.

We’re not sure whether we need our sunglasses, our umbrellas, or both. Probably both is the sensible option, but then we’re sure to forget about the sunscreen and get a weirdly-shaped autumn sunburn everywhere the sweatshirt doesn’t cover. You’ve heard of farmers’ tans. These are Minnesotan tans.

On King Turkey Day, temperatures plummeted to 39 degrees and hovered in the mid-40s for most of the festivities. It wasn’t a big deal. People brought sweaters and rain gear to fend off the threat of drizzle. We’re Minnesotans. A lot of us go outside in January–on purpose, too.

But two days after Worthington’s famed fowl bash, the temperatures shot back up again, and, caught unawares, I ended up wearing a sweater and my shabby leather coat to work. It was more than 80 degrees. I looked like my Californian cousins, who on an early October visit to Minnesota wore parkas and shivered uncontrollably throughout my phy ed class when they visited my school.

All the other kids were wearing shorts.

When you wear a huge sweater on an 80-degree day, there’s really only four things you can do. One, you can roll up the sleeves and face the fact that people will point at you and snicker the rest of the day. Two, you can go home to change. Three, you can claim you’re on one of those fad weight-loss programs where you try to “sweat off those pounds.” Four, you can claim there’s a bomb on a bus and if you change out of the sweater, it will blow up.

I’m saving the last excuse for next week.