And we’re live on the air after a nasty bout of strep throat that put me totally out of commission for two days last week and left me a bit tired and addled for several more. Fortunately I had the weekend (yes, I worked, but it was pretty easy stuff) to recuperate.
What, you didn’t notice I was addled?
It took me almost 30 years to get my first case of strep throat, and I sincerely hope it takes me another 30 years to get the second. However, I did learn a number of interesting things, some of which are admittedly kind of gross:
- It is called “strep throat,” but this is a misnomer. Because your entire body feels like it has been tenderized more thoroughly than the meat at a three-star restaurant, it ought to be called “strep body.”
- Gargling with salt water is less pleasant than drinking a slushie, which has much the same effect.
- When the doctor spends approximately 2.5 seconds looking at your throat and calls your tonsillitis “severe,” he is probably correct. Also, he’s probably just as grossed out as you are.
- Strep throat can make your saliva glands go into overdrive, which forces you to swallow more often at a time when you would pretty much rather drive an ice pick into your left toe.
- It is in fact impossible to hork up your own tonsils, no matter how hard you try.
- Most importantly: I need to have a lot more sympathy for people with strep throat. It is considerably less pleasant than I thought, and I never thought it was a barrel of laughs in the first place.
