I Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive

And we’re live on the air after a nasty bout of strep throat that put me totally out of commission for two days last week and left me a bit tired and addled for several more. Fortunately I had the weekend (yes, I worked, but it was pretty easy stuff) to recuperate.

What, you didn’t notice I was addled?

It took me almost 30 years to get my first case of strep throat, and I sincerely hope it takes me another 30 years to get the second. However, I did learn a number of interesting things, some of which are admittedly kind of gross:

  1. It is called “strep throat,” but this is a misnomer. Because your entire body feels like it has been tenderized more thoroughly than the meat at a three-star restaurant, it ought to be called “strep body.”
  2. Gargling with salt water is less pleasant than drinking a slushie, which has much the same effect.
  3. When the doctor spends approximately 2.5 seconds looking at your throat and calls your tonsillitis “severe,” he is probably correct. Also, he’s probably just as grossed out as you are.
  4. Strep throat can make your saliva glands go into overdrive, which forces you to swallow more often at a time when you would pretty much rather drive an ice pick into your left toe.
  5. It is in fact impossible to hork up your own tonsils, no matter how hard you try.
  6. Most importantly: I need to have a lot more sympathy for people with strep throat. It is considerably less pleasant than I thought, and I never thought it was a barrel of laughs in the first place.