Style at the Emmys

Of course, what I love about the Emmys is the clothes. Sometimes I love to hate them.

Feathers seem to be featured this year, but I can never see them without  thinking one of two things: 1. Which Las Vegas showgirl did you mug to get that outfit? 2. You b******s, you skinned Big Bird!

Christina Hendricks, the most beautiful woman on the planet, had a minor fashion misstep. This is not her color. This is not her style of dress. This is not her hairstyle. Most importantly, these are not her poofy sleeves.  It says a lot for Christina that she looked drop-dead gorgeous anyway.

Holly Burrell wore some pink and black thing. I don’t know if that’s part of her dress, an ugly stole, or if a spraypainted varmint attacked her on the way in from the parking lot.

On the bright side: Elisabeth Moss, Kim Kardashian and Sofia Vergara.

The Emmys

I don’t watch enough television to have really strong opinions about the Emmys most of the time.

This  year, I was mainly thinking: If Jane Lynch doesn’t win for her portrayal of insane tyrannical gym teacher Sue Sylvester on Glee, I may well implode.

Apart from that, I didn’t really care that much. The Emmys don’t seem to offer awards to most of the shows I like, because they’re not controversial (Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Dexter). There’s art in a fun action show (Burn Notice) or a heist show (Leverage) but you’re not going to get too many award nominations for doing something that’s been done so many times before. Not even if you’re doing it really, really well.

That may be why I’m a bit disappointed that Glee didn’t win more awards. They had more nominations than any other show, but as far as actual wins go, the wacky, over-the-top musical comedy took a slushie to the face on Sunday. Sure, Glee took the directing honors, but it missed out on the award I really thought it should win: writing.

This was the moment that made me love Glee. I think it’s Emmy-worthy all on its own.

Gandalf, Conan and King Arthur Comment on Recession

Guns are up and swords are down in fantasy art, according to a fun chart from Orbit Books that shows art elements from fantasy book covers. (Hat tip to BoingBoing.)

Can the fifty percent reduction in castles be blamed on the recession? Is the economy impacting the number of boats and swords heroes buy?

Here’s an AP (Atlantis Press) story on the issue, which you might find interesting:

Recession prompts magical cutbacks

MYSTERIA, Fairyland (AP) –The recession continues to affect Fairyland as a drastic decrease in swords, glowy magic and castles had local heroes pondering spending cuts and job searches.

“It’s the economy,” said Conan the Barbarian, whose exploits have thrilled regional fantasy kingdoms for decades. “I used to be able to raid the evil temple or castle and check under the altar to find gems, gold, magic swords. I’d take the damsel in distress out for dinner afterward–they’re always half-starved. Now I’m lucky if I find $15 and a half-eaten cheese sandwich.”

That’s when the Barbarian can find a castle at all. Since the subprime mortgage crisis has pushed the real estate market into a slump, approximately 25 percent of all subprime adjustable rate mortgages have been either delinquent for more than 90 days or are already in foreclosure, and nearly 10 percent of all Fantasyland mortgages outstanding are in foreclosure.

“Sometimes I pull up to a castle on my horse and everyone has already left,” said Sonja the Red, noted female adventurer. “There’s just a sad little ‘for sale’ sign on the lawn. Half the time they don’t even bother putting the drawbridge back up.”

Other markets have also been brutally affected by the slump.

“There’s just no market for my work anymore,” complained Gandalf the Grey as he set up fireworks for a children’s party. “Everyone’s holding on to their powerful magical artifacts, waiting to destroy them in a volcano’s maw until they can afford it.”

The Grey has managed to keep his own glowy magic coffers full by creating a secondary business, Gandalf Party Entertainment Inc., but other local heroes have not fared so well.

“Times have been so bad here I’ve put Excalibur on the market,” King Arthur said. “I still had that sword from the stone, so I figured ‘hey, I can only swing one sword at a time anyway.’ And I had to cut Excalibur’s asking price by half, too.”

While most market fantasy indicators are down, the dragon population–often regarded as a lagging indicator–remains healthy.

“Less swords, less knights, all good news for us,” remarked Smaug, the infamous red dragon noted for terrorizing hobbits. “I  do miss the taste of freshly-roasted knight, though. I think we’re all just waiting for this recession to end.”

Sporking Technology

The negative aspects of modern technology turned around and bit my blog, Oh Look! A Shiny Thing! in its sparkly metaphorical bottom, or, to put it another way, we suffered a minor plague of technical difficulties that locked me out of my blog for two weeks.

I couldn’t even put up a post telling people why there weren’t any new posts.

It always amazes me that something as complex as a computer is essentially a series of electrical switches. At its heart, at its very most basic level, a computer has only two options: yes and no, on and off, cat and dog. That’s it. There’s not a lot of room for dithering when you have only two options, and you’d think it would be pretty clear-cut and error-free to use only two options to build everything.

Of course, anyone who has ever used a computer—and nowadays, cars have computers, traffic lights have computers and your microwave may have more computing power than the entire Apollo space program—knows to expect errors. Your computer may have two options, “yes” and “no,” but inevitably it will somehow come up with the answer “spork.”

The trick is not to get your expectations too high. Instead of turning on the machine in the morning thinking “I will now check my email,” you need to tell yourself something more along the lines of “Maybe I will check my email, but maybe, instead, I will see the Blue Screen of Death and utilize my extensive vocabulary of curse words waiting on hold for tech support. It could be either, or it could be ‘spork.’”

So when our parent company, Forum Communications Company, moved all its blogs to a beautiful new system, allowing more freedom of design, compatibility with other sites and organizational options like you wouldn’t believe, we expected to find a few sporks in the mix. Most of the blogs came up remarkably quickly, and we customized their layouts and started writing.

Unfortunately, the Shiny Thing suffered the Curse of Spork, and it took about two weeks to get it back online.

Sorry.

It’s back now, though! And I’ll try hard to start posting regularly again!

A Tall Ship and a Star to Steer Her By

Sails, rigging, cannons, wormy biscuits and grog, disciplinarian captains in tricorne hats, rapacious pirates wreaking havoc with cutlass and pistol — these are images of the Age of Sail, when square-rigged ships flitted from continent to continent, bringing with them people, goods and sometimes, disease and warfare.

From far away, the tall ships are beautiful, graceful, with flowing sails, usually in white, brass fittings on the decks, neatly-tied-off ropes and fresh, clean paint.

Inside the vessels, though, you find the tiny cabins of the officers, see the space where dozens of men hung their hammocks only 22 inches apart and learn quickly to watch your head because the clearance belowdecks is only about 5 feet.

But even then, oh, they are beautiful, these ships.

My parents and I visited Duluth for its Tall Ships Festival last weekend, touring several of the stately replicas of Age of Sail vessels, and watching others move in and out of the harbor via the lift bridge.

Technically, not all the nine vessels at the festival were ships, a term once reserved for vessels with three masts and a bowsprit (that big pole that sticks out in the front). There were schooners, brigs, barques, brigantines, with square and triangular sails of immense size.

The oldest, the Barque Europa, was launched in 1911; and the youngest, the Denis Sullivan, was launched in 2000 as a re-creation of a 19th century three-masted Great Lakes schooner.

All the ships were gorgeous. Many of them deserved the name “tall ships” because of their height alone, with their 100-foot tall masts scraping against the clouds. But the ships also seemed strangely… small.

The star of the festival, the replica H.M.S. Bounty, was literally made for the movies — for the 1962 “Mutiny on the Bounty,” featuring Marlon Brando. But even the Bounty, with its stately sails and elegant masts (reaching 115 feet in the air) has a beam of 30 feet.

In ordinary language, the ship — and the Bounty is a true full-rigged ship — is only 30 feet wide.

Small.

The luxurious officers’ cabins were smaller than closets. A person could touch all four walls without moving, and a tall person would have had to curl up a bit in order to fit on the bed. But given that the men themselves would have been sleeping in individual hammocks literally up against each other, a private cabin, however tiny, would have been an enviable luxury.

The Bounty was built for film, so people could easily stand up belowdecks. Other ships were a bit more true to their predecessors and going below meant making a constant effort not to bump your head on anything.

Given the ship’s gentle swaying in the water while it was tethered to the dock, it would have been a lot more difficult to avoid brain-damage in a quivering, storm-beset sea, with anything not secured rolling around underfoot and people and cargo rammed into every available space.

Small.

But in another sense, these vessels, these ships, are not small.

Crammed into close quarters, shoulder to shoulder in the dark — fire was an ever-present hazard in these days — people prayed, lived, sickened, loved, wept, died, triumphed and surprisingly often, survived in ships just like these.

During the Age of Sail, people voluntarily walked into these ships — so much like wooden coffins from the inside! — and crossed oceans, for fortune, for family, for freedom, and sometimes, simply for finding out what was there.

The ships were small. The ideas and ideals they often contained were not.

Veggies for the Veggie-Hater

The other day I did something I never do, and bought actual fresh produce and made something with it. Something I ate myself and actually liked. Even though I don’t like any of the vegetables involved.

Now note: this will only work for people who don’t like vegetables because of their texture. If you hate their taste, this is not going to work for you.

Veggie Sandwich Spread for Veggie-Haters

About 1/8 of a green pepper
1 tiny green onion (they look like this, and I only used the white tip)
Half a tomato
Dill
Salt
Pepper
8 oz. cream cheese

The trick is to chop the vegetables microscopically small. No, smaller. Smaller. Smaller than that too. Yeah, if you can see them that’s not small enough. Then you stir it all together, and it makes a great sandwich spread. The dill, salt and pepper are all to taste; I used about a teaspoon of dill and as little salt as I could get away with.

It’s really good, very easy and much better tasting than the pre-made spreads they sell at supermarkets.

I’m not sure what to do with the leftover onions and stuff, though. If I chop them up really really small and put them in the oven with some potatoes, would that taste good, do you think?

All I Ask

I must down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel’s kick and the wind’s song and the white sail’s shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea’s face, and a grey dawn breaking.
"Sea-Fever," by John Masefield

The ship shown is the Roseway, shown in the Duluth harbor as part of the Tall Ships Festival, which I attended over the weekend. It was amazing.

More later…