Dumped By My Digital Boyfriend

Seth dumped me yesterday.

I can’t say that it was a big surprise, either. He’d been warning me for three days that he was due to get his acceptance letter from graduate school and when he did, it was splitsville for us.

But don’t worry about me. I just went and picked out another sweetheart from my long waiting list of boyfriends, which I keep ranked in order of their popularity and charm ratings.

Doesn’t everybody?

In the world of Sorority Life, one of those silly little Facebook games that revolves around fashion, cars and other frivolities, if your sweetheart decides to go to grad school (which they do apparently at random), it means you are about to get kicked to the curb.

But because you have lots of “boyfriends” and can select any of them to be your special sweetheart, it’s no big deal. You just go back to your list of disposable boys and pick a new one.

For example, when Seth the Surfer dropped me to go to grad school, I then had my choice between Dante the Dancer, Neville the Nerd, Oliver the Out-of-Towner and Patrick the Pretty Guy. Each of the boys has statistics for charm and popularity, just like each outfit you wear or car you drive in the game.

In the world of Sorority Life, you can have a dozen boyfriends, but you can only have one “sweetheart.” Of course, he’ll drop you to go to grad school every once in a while, but hey, no relationship is perfect, right?

I find all this pretty strange, since I’ve only ever had one boyfriend at a time in real life and I would probably gag if I ever called him my “sweetheart.” Having more than one boyfriend would seem both greedy and difficult to schedule.

Of course, I’m not a leggy blue-haired chick with $6,000 shoes like my Sorority Life avatar is either.

I don’t have 593 outfits in my closet, but most of the fun of Sorority Life is dressing up your avatars like electronic Barbie dolls, so I don’t mind the lack of realism. They’re even better than Barbies, in a way, since you can cut their hair without getting into Big Trouble.

And I’ve never belonged to a real sorority, but I’m pretty sure they don’t trade boyfriends like large-scale sentient Pokemon cards in real life either. I’m guessing they don’t each have $122 billion in the bank or 58 cars, although having 1,017 accessories might be possible if you count each barrette, shoe, bobby pin and earring separately.

So if your boyfriend wants to go to grad school, don’t worry. Life doesn’t mimic video games, or we’d all be throwing fireballs and driving Aston Martins to work, with a sniper rifle in one hand and a silver boomerang in the other.