It only comes once a year, thank goodness, but once again, the glorious day of chocolates, flowers and jewelry is upon us.
That’s right, folks. Sunday is Viking Day.
Others may celebrate some other silly holiday that starts with a V, which involves hearts and flowers, but to single people and those with Nordic heritage (most of the population of Minnesota), Feb. 14 will always be Viking Day.
It’s the day we put on our horned helmets, even though real Vikings never wore them, wear breastplates, or at least pretty thick sweaters, and sing Led Zeppelin’s “The Immigrant Song” at the top of our lungs:
We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.
The hammer of the gods will drive our ships to new land,
To fight the horde, sing and cry: Valhalla, I am coming!
If you are a very advanced Viking, you may wish to try singing Wagner instead, but when combined with the standard issue hel-met this may result in a headache.
Advanced Vikings may even attempt to headbang to the tune, preferably while wearing a horned helmet, because to true Vikings, it is no fun until someone loses an eye.
Some Vikings may wish to avoid the traditional furs and armor and stick to wearing less-obtrusive purple and gold, honoring our local clan. However, since Sunday does not seem to be a lucky day for our purple and gold Vikings, this may entail some risk.
Which of course means you should do it. Vikings love risk. Otherwise why would we cross an ocean in a rowboat when there wasn’t even any chocolate on the other side?
Viking Day should be celebrated by pillaging and plundering the candy and flowers of the silly people who celebrate that other holiday on Viking Day.
But modern Vikings in the land of Minnesota Nice must pillage politely, never plundering from the same person twice. Why not? First, because it’s rude and second, because they usually don’t have anything after the first time.