It may actually be possible for a food to taste so bad that your stomach spontaneously turns inside out.
Be that as it may, a friend of mine was inspired by my post on unnatural, ungodly Pringles flavors, and decided to top every single one of the worst in a single shot. He sent me some chips from the U.K.
Crispy Duck and Hoisin, Tomato Ketchup, Onion Bhaji, Smokey Bacon, Cajun Squirrel, Builder’s Breakfast, Fish and Chips, Chilli and Chocolate, Prawn Cocktail, Worcester Sauce.
We opened up the tiny little bags and some of us, the brave ones, actually ate the chips on Wednesday afternoon. I opted to preserve my tastebuds and fragile shreds of sanity and avoid most of the chips.
I did give Smokey Bacon a shot and had the creepy experience of tasting bacon while having a potato chip in my mouth. It’s like hearing a dog meow or watching water flow up a hill. The chips tasted disturbingly bacon-like.
I also tried the Builder’s Breakfast, which apparently won the Walker’s chip flavor contest. I thought it was horrible. Putting an entire meal into a single foodstuff is something best left to Willy Wonka, and that didn’t exactly work out for him either. On the bright side, the Builder’s Breakfast chips did not turn anyone into a giant blueberry.
The Chilli and Chocolate chips just tasted bad. I didn’t think they tasted like anything in particular (except badness fried into chip form), but one person thought they tasted like chili and the other thought they tasted like chocolate.
Two people independently came up with the same description of the Onion Bhaji chips.
"If you could put BO in a chip…" said Laura Grevas. And a few minutes later, another staffer walked in and tried them and said "Man, these taste like BO!"
Aaron Hagen, the sports editor, made horrified sounds while trying the Fish and Chips and the Builder’s Breakfast. Another person attempted to eat a ketchup chip and had to exit quickly to get the taste out of her mouth. (I now owe this person dinner. I meant to give her the bacon chips, which were merely disturbing and not disgusting.)
The Crispy Duck got very bad reviews, including one horrified exclamation of "Oh for the love of god!" and another "Oh that’s horrible!" The sysadmin said "Okay, those are bad. Yeah, that’s gross."
Most people liked the Smokey Bacon. "Wow, it does taste like bacon!"
But chips aren’t supposed to taste like bacon. They’re supposed to taste like chips. Maybe the bacon companies will come out with chip-flavored bacon, and then the circle of awfulness will be complete.