There is nothing wrong with your television set.
Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical.
We can roll the image, make it flutter. We can change the focus to a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next hour, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear.
We repeat, there is nothing wrong with your television set. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to— oh look, a shiny thing!
Well, it looks like we lost some people in the transition.
… about 95 percent of you, in fact.
For the 25 people who actually made it here this morning, thank you for tuning in. Make sure you adjust the dial.
As a reward, let me offer you a few interesting links.
First, the Trojan Online’s issue of poetry contest winners.
The Worthington High School online newspaper is also doing a winter writing contest, but it sounds like it’s only for students. I suspect pros wouldn’t be allowed to join anyway, so I’d be out of luck. However, if you’re a student, go for it! It’ll look nice on a college app, doncha know.
And here’s a list of the top movie characters of all time, which skews male and young. Of course. Because Mary Fargin’ Poppins wasn’t cool enough for you! At least Ripley from Alien was on there.
What characters do you think should be on there?